Although “yes” would seem like the obvious answer, most people, especially women, have a hard time answering this question. They might know they deserve self-care, but it stays only in their heads; in reality, they never make time or space for themselves. Some people think that self-care is almost a luxury when actually it is a human necessity.

         Being direct and plain, we all live in a world that promotes more stress than tranquility. The promise that technology would give us more time to relax, enjoy our hobbies, and have more family time fell apart, and it proved to be just another empty promise. Actually, we are living exactly the opposite of what society has promised to us. Most people have been living with chronic stress for so long. If you search the internet for information on medical websites, such as The American Medical Association, you will see that 90% of the patients who seek help of a medical doctor have stress-related problems. In the long run, unmanaged stress becomes chronic, and chronic stress is deemed the silent killer.

         From a more emotional, even metaphysical standpoint, if you will, you can see the same situation in different terms. You can also think that the Instinct of Life, also called Eros in Western cultures, is not only a biological instinct of preservation. It is a feature of the human soul, the wish and desire to live forever. However, it is clever to mention that duality is part of our third-dimensional reality, so there is the opposite side of the instinct of life, which is the Instinct of Death, also called Thanatos. I would say that Thanatos is a feature of the ego-mind, the illusion we live in, the false sense of separateness.

         In my personal life and professional experience, I see that Thanatos is embedded in our subconscious minds due to a lifestyle that promotes more death than life, and that a significant portion of the human population lives under constant fear and denial, which in turn increase stress.

         My idea with this article is to show you why you truly deserve to take time to yourself, to nourish your inner child and not only your body but also your soul. I am used to saying, “We can’t give what we don’t have.” If you don’t take good care of yourself, where will you find time and energy to take care of loved ones or spend quality time with them? The Martyr Archetype is rooted not only in our subconscious minds but also in the collective unconsciousness of the Western world. And this is one more reason people unconsciously think they don’t deserve or don’t need self-care.

         Let’s check what self-care means. There are many definitions for self-care, and they have been changing quickly lately because of the changes we have been seeing in the world. But my favorite definition is the one given by Marni Amsellem, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist from Connecticut. She states, “Self-care is anything you do for yourself that feels nourishing!” It is much different than walking two miles a day because you need to be in shape for your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, or doctor, even if you feel tired, and a good massage would be more appropriate. Many people follow rules and recommendations that have nothing to do with them, and then they get in trouble but can’t see why. A good self-care coach will support you while you to find your answers from within, think by yourself, and listen to your body, feelings, and emotions. A good self-care coach will help you become aware of the negative or strict thought patterns that lead to limiting beliefs. Good self-care coaches walk their walk and talk their talk.

         Most people indeed have lost the connection with themselves. I’ve seen many women who don’t have a preference for food when they go to a restaurant; they ask for the same entree that the rest of the family does. I’ve seen men vacationing in certain places because these are the places the other members of the family want to go. But in reality, they would like to visit a different city. And as men and women get older, they keep sacrificing their time and wishes in favor of their children and grandchildren. Since they are slower now, they don’t have the energy and time to dedicate to themselves, and if they do, they feel guilty about it.

         I am here today to tell you that self-care is a byproduct of self-love. That is right! Self-love! The instinct of life and preservation coupled with self-love is the greatest motivator for self-care. You want to have energy and vitality, and be beautiful and healthy for yourself in the first place because you know that is your birthright, and you deserve it. I believe that you have heard a lot of baloney in your childhood and teenage years; it could be from your parents or relatives, friends, people that are not so friendly, teachers and preachers. But now you are an adult, and you still have time to nourish that beautiful child, that bright teenager who is still alive inside you and begging for your attention. They don’t know where to start, so I have a suggestion for you. How about starting with a good, competent, and compassionate self-care coach?